Saturday, December 18, 2010

Where are you on the spectrum ?

This quiz by RDOS is one of the first things that I did when I was first DXed with Aspergers . Is it scientific ? I can only say that I found it interesting and scored 163....(My Asperger DX did not give me a number on the spectrum but he did say I "exhibited" all 8 of the 8 traits required for a DX of AS . I would "beg to differ" but as I read recently...."no none should have to beg to differ" and I agree. So no begging but I do think that they are way off on some of the words they choose to use in their traits .

Do I think that apsies are linked to some genetic Neanderthal ancestry as the test designer theorizes ? I do love the feeling of leather and fur to my hand but wearing it sounds a bit itchy...tactile issues . I think his theory is worth a read .

I'm not ruling out Neanderthal heritage but I find the idea of alien genetics far more fitting to my personal temperament and that would better explain why I believed that I was from another planet since the age of around 5 . I spent a lot of my early years gathering information on the human and plant species because I assumed I had been placed here as some sort of anthropologist and "that" was why I found earths inhabitants so bizarre and frightening . I waited very patiently for them to return and down-load the information from my brain so I could get on with my real life . It wasn't until reading about AS that I learned that there were other people "like me" who had similar feelings, (though they didn't all have such an elaborate back story...Probably to much TV and book reading in my impressionable youth.) 

so without further adooooo....the aspie quiz, enjoy .


http://www.rdos.net/eng/

Language and meaning related to current discussions of autism( Part 1)

A.)"Use your words"
 B)"Say what you mean and mean what you say"

I wonder if those two "clishas" were originally stated by aspies ? If so, they have been misappropriated by NT's .

Aspie version of the first statement is to ask people to try and use there words instead of their non-verbal (What I call monkey language),which is unreadable to many autistics . According to some statistics I have read, up to 85% of communication by NT's is non-verbal . I believe that not only includes facial expressions but tone of voice, body posture, placement and movements . I don't think any of us are expecting that NT's try and suppress these but just add actual words to their communication . I really don't see this as an outrageous request . Many persons who are deaf or speak another language, ask for some form of facilitation when they are expected to communicate . I mean, do people actually get angry at people who speak another language or are deaf when they can't understand ? Granted, it is a major inconvenience to the majority to have to accommodate anyone but if you are actually desiring to communicate, be aware that there are those of us who need accurately spoken words .


The NT version of the first statement is ironically meant as a request for another kind of accommodation . It is often directed at someone who is communicating non-verbally by hitting, crying or screaming . Even I can read that kind of NV communication and it always means that the person is not happy but is not generally specific enough to understand if the unhappiness is about being frustrated, over whelmed, angry, confused, in pain, etc. Some of the individuals who use this non-verbal do so because they are so overwhelmed with distress that they have lost the use of words . Sometimes it is because they have learned that their words are just misunderstood or disregarded and there for with out power . (I'm not including those who simply can not speak because I assume someone asking them to "use their words" is just a sadist and to be ignored on principle .)

The second expression may be used by aspies asking that people stop lying, misleading, misdirected and other wise bastardizing the holiness of language . Not having access to the 85% percent of monkey communication that Nt's have access to makes the written and spoken word sacred to me . It has a power that exceeds simple noises, which often appears to me how many NT's use language....(all sound and fury signifying nothing .) . I think that many aspies are more in-tune to the white noise sound that many NT's use and call language . I think common slang, many modern cliquish used by advertising, religious and political speaks are the best examples of this practice . If you dissect each sentence you do not find meaning in the words themselves but in the emotions attached to the words . People are not telling you information for you to think about but telling you how they want you to feel......patriotic, embarrassed, ashamed . This isn't done accidentally or in secret but is actually big business . There are groups of people who pay other groups of people to tell them what certain combination's of sounds make them "feel"...not what they think .

When Nt's say the second expression, they are saying that you should not lie and also that you should follow through on your promises . All good stuff but I think the expression has gone out of vogue for NT's as the whole concept of personal integrity is seen as naive, old fashioned, quaint . When someone , especially someone in the ruling class, actually does something that shows personal integrity it is likely to make the news .

What has any of the above to do with  language and meaning as related to this specifically aspiefied blog ? I hope to show some of the problems I have with the current beliefs, misconceptions and misnomers being bandied about when Nt's discuss Autism and why they might be a bit confusing to some aspies . Unfortunately this isn't  for the edification of the professionals, (though that would be nice), because you can't teach a void....ie, they aren't reading this blog . It is meant to try and clarify in my own mind what this whole aspie thing is for me . That said, anyone who wishes to edify me with some contrary information is welcome to comment . My ego isn't threatened by being proven wrong but by being wrong so I'm always glad to learn something new that will help me be less wrong ; )

My goal is to play devils advocate <___(ever wonder why some one who wishes to begin a dialogue debating ideas contrary to the ruling class is aligned to the devil ? Reeks a bit of witch burning and inquests to me) .Unless I get bored with the idea. I hope to go through some of the current,(old?) diagnostic criteria for a DX of Aspergers as well as many of the traits not directly used for DXing but associated with it by many well  known professionals . (This  may seem pointless as the status quo have decided to lump us in with classic autism  in the new DSM and Aspergers has either been incorporated to bulk up the numbers of the "epidemic" and legitimize the scare mongering of such groups as Autism Speaks and therapists and pharma hoping to make money treating autistics  ) .


Now, if you have been paying attention you may observe that in my 47 years of life on planet weird , I have learned a bit myself about using language in an attempt to illicit emotion . For that I can only apologize  for "going native" and hope that anyone reading this will also see a bit of substance mixed in with the emotion laden words . I can assure you that I am not smart enough to be doing it consciously nor do I have access to an emotion thesaurus<----(note to self, invent and publish an emotion thesaurus), or a focus group .

As one of my clients says as she is done with my help...."you are dismissed" .

Friday, December 17, 2010

There is no B in Aspergers or The Disability of Empathy

......So why do people think it's funny to call it Ass Burgers when all that shows is that they can't tell the difference between a B and P sound ? I used to assume that I was the only person that would have to actually say "B" "P" aloud when spelling words that had those letters . It appears that it is a fairly common disability as few people seem to address this issue when Aspergers is mockingly called Ass Burgers .


Like most of the points I make in life, this on the surface appears to be trivial but if you peel the onion....(it might make you cry but it's the only way to find the truth)...you might find a deeper meaning .

In this case, my meaning is that somethings do not get labeled as disabilities if they are shared by enough people . Let me point out that the current definition of disability is not based on how many people actually share it but how the majority of people able to do some particular thing decide to define it. The popular usage , as are a fair number of words in modern usages , seems to me a misnomer . A so called "able" bodied person is not called disabled just because they are not able to fly but a so called disabled person will be labeled disabled even if they are able to walk but not able to see . My conclusion is that the word itself is a lazy word for lazy brains . Perhaps that wouldn't be an issue for me if the label itself didn't come with so much negative emotional baggage but I have learned that language never travels light . Many words are surrounded with assumptions, misconceptions and bias which intentionally or not. bury their actual meanings . It's how our brains work .


Pronunciation: (dis), [key]
n. Class. Myth.
a god of the underworld. Also called Dis Pater. Cf. Pluto.

dis-




a Latin prefix meaning “apart,” “asunder,” “away,” “utterly,” or having a privative, negative, or reversing force (see de-, un -2); used freely, esp. with these latter senses, as an English formative: disability; disaffirm; disbar; disbelief; discontent; dishearten; dislike; disown. Also,di-.

Read more: dis: meaning and definitions — Infoplease.com http://dictionary.infoplease.com/dis#ixzz18PXszLjh
 
Nothing in this definition would indicate that if there are a majority on individuals unable to do something that it is no longer a disability .  The specific behavior, that most often comes to mind for me, is the large number of individuals who appear unable/disabled from having any actual ability to feel the pain of others . Oddly, to me, this is attributed to being a disability in persons with autism . I haven't done any scientific studies but most of my observations are that it is most commonly found in persons who have no autism label, though they include both individuals labeled "disabled" and "neurotypical" . 

Although it is true for me that I often don't read minds any better then non-verbal communication, I am hyper aware when my actions or those of others might cause suffering to others and I personally try to avoid causing others pain . Not because I think it the moral thing to do but because it actually physically hurts me when I am around living things that I believe to be in emotional or physical pain . There are many times when I am not able to avoid causing pain because it involves disobeying some of my other rules of living . 

As example.....

I know that my mother would have liked me to be a cheerleader who dressed in cute clothes and had lots of friends . I know my not fitting that image did cause her much pain but....I not only was unable to meet those expectations I was unwilling to sacrifice my own likes and dislikes in order to do so . My values said to me that to remain authentic to the core of who I was out valued my desire for her to be happy . 

As example...

I work with a client who has sensory issues and dislikes having bathes and brushing her teeth . It distresses me to see her suffering but I do it because I believe that those things are important to her physical health and I have found no alternative to achieving that goal though I do try and make it as quick as I can . I won't however shave her legs as her guardian requests because I know that the client does not care if she has hair on her legs . 

Like a robot who is given two contrary instructions, I often feel like my circuit board is oging to melt down .....

I do not want to cause pain, "Do No Harm"
I must look after the health of the client which includes some things that cause harm
I want to follow rules of my employment
many of those rules disregard the first law of "Do no harm"

As many of my pre-aspergers DX therapists said of me....

"you think to much"

(and they said it without a smile of irony and like it was a bad thing) . 

So blather. blather....(Language is not my first means of communication so pardon my mistakes),
my disability appears not to be one of inability to feel others pain but being unable to block it out .  Like persons with auditory processing disorder, (which I also have), I am constantly trying to pull meaning out of a cacophonous random emotional noise . As if this wasn't distracting enough, I then have to try and figure out how to balance my actions based on this unwanted information and my value system and the value system of those who have control over my life and their expectations of my behavior . 

So, thinking to much is not a choice but a necessity in processing and over abundance of information without shorting out my circuit board <-----it's happened and is very messy . 

Where was I going with this.....ah,yes, disability . My disability is only a disability based on the premise that the majority has the right amount of some "ability" . While it is true their functioning may be faster because they don't have to process as much information, being in the majority does not necessarily make it the "perfect" amount . A blind person may gain higher abilities in other senses because the brain has one less sense to process or be distracted by but they are still considered blind . So it is with those who lack some aspies sense of emotional distress, they are no less disabled and their disability, unlike many currently disabled, often leads to massive amount of suffering of all living things . In my opinion , that's a disability we need to spend research money trying to cure, even if it results in prescreening for the offending genetics and eradicating them from the human gnome . Can you imagine such a world ?